Recently, I tied the knot, yes, thank you, thank you! It was an unforgettable weekend of celebrations and, for me, a big and exciting creative project. :)
Now that the metaphorical glitter has settled and life is returning to normal, I’ve been reflecting on it all, in relation to my "life journey," per se.
I started imagining what my younger self (let’s say 18-year-old Mattie) would think of all this. I think she’d be shocked, saying, "OMG, I got married? What a real adult I’ve become!"
Honestly, it surprises me too, how grown-up I feel right now. But it’s a good thing. I feel more balanced, grounded, and at peace than ever before.
I suppose I’ve picked up a few life lessons along the way, moving countries (again and again), job-hopping (also again and again), scrolling and swiping (you get it), buying bikinis, visiting hospitals, and hunting for the perfect plant pot.
Before reading further, a quick warning: this blog is written to 18-year-old Mattie, but hey, take from it what you will.
P.S. Let’s be real, would I have listened when I was younger? Probably not.
A few words on getting married
Before we dive into the life lessons, let me clarify: I was never the kind of girl who dreamt about getting married. And I’m absolutely not saying that getting married is necessary to be a “real” adult or feel fulfilled.
But personally, it was meaningful.
It felt like a milestone, deep (forever-ever!) and the beginning of a new chapter. One that I chose for myself. It made me reflect. A lot.
It felt funny, and cute, to do something I never imagined for myself. Like I exceeded expectations I didn’t even know I had.
I also learned that when you’re generous to others, kindness tends to come back, often twice over.
And here’s what else I figured out: it feels good to do things your heart wants. It feels good to grow. And it feels good to be proud of yourself.
I’ve come a long way, emotionally, creatively, mentally, financially. And I reckon my younger self would be proud of who I’ve become. Of the amazing partner I found. Of the privilege of organizing such a beautiful day.
So yeah, I think young Mattie would be proud of this version of me.
1. Try to accept your restlessness, it doesn’t really go away
You’ve always had a jumpy mind. A restless nature. This is just who you are.
You try everything: writing poetry, blogs, stories. Painting surreal things, abstract things, faces. Exploring street art, collaging, rug-designing, teaching workshops. And all the while, trying to build a career in marketing.
Also: see the world. Hang out with friends. Try new recipes. Hit the gym. Learn bloody Dutch. You do a lot.
Each new project feels like maybe this is it. But some things work, some things don’t.
Eventually, you realize you’re never really satisfied. You always want the next big idea, holiday, creative burst, distraction, anything to keep you moving.
You meditate, journal, run, move country (again). And it helps to calm the mind, a bit. But still, the question lingers: When will I find my one true calling?
Eventually, the answer comes: maybe never. And actually, that’s okay. Maybe this is who you are: curious, experimental, possibly ADHD-ish (undiagnosed, but the vibes say potentially lol).
Accept it.
People chase “self-discovery” but avoid acceptance. Why is that?
Here’s the truth: it’s okay to have many passions. You don’t have to be amazing at all of them.
Create for the process, not the outcome.
Keep doing what you're doing, you're doing amazing sweetie!
2. Stop judging your parents for liking garden centers
Because one day, you’ll catch yourself getting emotional over a monstera.
Oh, and spending hours searching for the perfect pot.
3. It's good to slow down & prioritise your health!
A kind but aggressive message: stop trying to do it all. It’s not working.
Be kind to yourself. Ease the pressure.
You used to party like there were limited Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays... Eventually, it caught up to you. Pretty badly.
At one point, your eye condition got so bad, you were afraid you might lose your eyesight, and it was because of your lifestyle. Oops.
Your body needs TLC, regular doctors, and the boring grown-up stuff. That's just the truth of the matter.
But weirdly, those health limits become a positive. They teach you balance. What really matters. And that nothing works if your body doesn’t.
4. Wear the skimpy bikini, you’re a hottie for life
One day, when trying on a bikini, you look in the mirror to see you have got softer around the edges, and your hips are broader. Very alike your mother's. Hmm.
You realise you're growing older, and wider.
At first you contemplate not getting the swimsuit. "Maybe I shouldn't draw attention to myself", you think. But that's not really who you are, is it? You love the beach, you love tanning, you love skimpy things.
So, easy, do what you love. Even if it's buying the silly bikini.
Embrace a bit of squish. It's not a big deal!
And please don’t feel like you have to take advantage of your “skinny years”, you are a hottie for life regardless of shape and size.
See, as your body changes, it makes you more empathic, to yourself, to others. It makes your a nicer person, isn't that positive too!?
5. Money can be useful, use it to your advantage
Yes, yes, ew, capitalism, but hear me out.
Air-conditioned hotel rooms are actually better than 18-person hostel rooms, with bunk beds with no curtains, or charging points.
And, on a serious note, money can mean stable private healthcare (I know that sounds so boring to you, but trust me you're going to need it), it's being able to buy a dog, and pay its vet bills. Or take a spontaneous trip back to Spain, just because you feel like it.
Having flexibility with money is incredibly important.
Money is comfort. It’s peace of mind, better health, pleasure, ease, more choices.
So stop spending it all. Don’t get into credit card drama. Save. You're capable of Big Girl Finances (like being able to afford a beautiful wedding).
Think: house. Art studio. Long holidays. Cocktails with olives.
6. Your ideal version of freedom was actually... kind of selfish
You romanticised Into the Wild. You thought “commitment” was for people who were boring, un-adventurous and lacking spirit.
But guess what’s cooler than running away or drifting around? Staying. Building. Caring.
You learnt committing to one partner, to one country (at least for a longer period than a few years) lets you grow more, to have a nest, a family, to get a dog, to create more. It can be more fulfilling than “running away to find yourself.”
So don’t be scared of losing some “freedom” for bigger and better things. Freedom isn’t about escape. It’s about choice.
7. Being bored is actually very good for you
I know boredom is really uncomfortable for you. But it’s also how you are most creative.
No doubt, without it, this blog wouldn’t exist. Or most of your art or creative projects.
You need more of it. Force yourself to be bored.
Sit on benches. Go for more solo walks. Look out to the sea. Do "nothing".
Look around, at trees, flowers. Have a glass of wine on a terrace with your phone on airplane mode.
Observe.
Let you mind wander.
8. On friendship
Alright, listen up:
- Life’s weird. People change. And friendships? Yeah, they change too.
- As you get older, everyone starts to spread out, doing their own thing, some more mysteriously than others. This is normal.
- Some friendships will stay in your life and deepen over time, but not all of them. Some will ghost you. That is just the truth.
- Another plot twist: Friends can become acquaintances. But acquaintances can also become great friends.
- Appreciate your good friends. Check in on them, often.
- Let go of what wasn't maybe meant to be.
- Also, newsflash: one friend does not need to tick every box. You can have someone for every vibe. Some friends are there for the big nights out (the “who’s up for shots?” peeps), some for your deep existential crises, some for hiking or doing foodie things....
- Remember, people are just winging life like you are. Maybe lowering your expectations about them isn't a bad thing (allow people to be bad texters).
- Don't take friendships "not working out" personally.
9. "Return to center" often
You learn this through meditation, return to centre. It means check in with yourself. Recalibrate.
You’re good at this. You did it when you left London after uni. You felt stuck, so you moved to Barcelona. Sunshine, creativity, tapas. It worked.
You followed your gut. Always do that.
Time flies easily and it’s easy to drift away from your dreams. Don’t let it happen.
Get a diary. Set intentions. Do monthly check-ins, weekly, monthly, yearly.
Make sure you're living and building a life that is true to you.
10. Carry a sketchbook, preferably always
Sketch. Doodle. Write strange thoughts, shapes, colour combos, ideas, memes, lists.
Half your best ideas will happen in its pages, usually on a plane or mid-cappuccino.
"Sketch book time" becomes nearly a daily habit which you love and which serves you immensely.
It grounds and grows you.
Make sure to put the sketchbook in your handbag any and every time you leave the house, and a pen - you always forget the damn pen!
11. Love isn't what you thought, it’s better
Turns out, love isn’t tragic, overly-intense, or chaotic.
You will fall in love with an amazing man, who might not be who you imagined you would end up with when you were sixteen, but he is actually much better in many, many ways.
As most young people, you idealised love. You were superficial, shallow, needy but at the same time scared of commitment, you were confused, selfish, immature.
But nowadays, you don't even care about his trainers or silly things that before could have made you swipe left! Honestly you really change!
Please be open to challenging your romanticised ideals, unlearning your rom-com ideal, to growing emotionally, connecting with your values, and really feeling the feels.
It’s interesting how our perspective on love changes with age isn't it. I wonder what I will think and feel about love in 10 years, or twenty...
(If you're curious about reading more about my thoughts on love check out my blog on the topic here)
12. Make more effort with family
Not in a guilt-trippy way, but in a this-won’t-last-forever kind of way, okay fine kind of guilt-trippy!
Go on Sunday hikes with your parents, engage with your cousins, call your Grandmother more and send her photos, spend time with your niece and nephews.
Don’t treat family time as a chore but really soak it all in, appreciate the time you have together.
Something I learnt from from the wedding was that I felt so much joy having so many of my people together in one space, it's truly so special!
Because as you get older, everyone being together, or things being the same way, happen less and less. Moments or places you think will be around forever, aren't.
13. Everyone's on their own journey
An important one!
No one's doing life the same way. That’s fine.
Don’t compare. Don’t judge. Just dig deep and do your thing.
Cheer on your friends, whether they're having babies or going self-employed or back-packing the world.
There is no right or wrong.
Keep going on your colourful path.
14. Don't wait until you feel "cute"
I'll say this bluntly: if you keep waiting to look a certain way before you do something, you might be waiting forever.
Because here’s the thing, as you get older, the more things you will start to notice that you could fix.
Wrinkles. Sagging skin. Lumpy legs. Hair starts growing in very creative places, except on your head, of course.
Like, do you remember when you didn’t film videos for instagram with yourself talking because of your bottom teeth were a bit crooked? So you got braces (for two years).
But during that time, your right eye decided to go rogue and get worse, becoming remarkably smaller and more distinct than the left one.
Another year or two went by until you get an eye cap (it's like a prosthetic).
And then, when finally you get one, it looked great, but then your double chin RSVP’d to the party.
And just like that... nearly five years have passed since the idea to make videos with you in them speaking.
See the problem?
The real issue isn’t the looks, it’s the mental roadblock. That’s the thing that needs fixing really.
Think about it. Who really cares about crooked teeth or wobbly chins?
Don't stress to much about your looks, you have interesting and valuable things to say and do, don't let it stop you from living the life you want to live.
15. Grow, grow, grow like a flower
I’m ending with a deep(ish) one.
Like a flower - yes, I’m going there - your job is to bloom. To grow. To be colourful, take up space and soak up the sun.
Let go of the pressure. Stop torturing yourself to find a "deep" purpose or reason.
Just keep inching forward towards your dream, one sketch, one idea, one weird Instagram reel at a time, lol.
Try spread positivity, express yourself, help others when you can.
Recycle. Eat pasta. Get married (yolo).
Drink some wine. Try read a whole book for once.
Call Granny. Make a collage.
Book a trip to Spain. Journal. Buy a new outfit.
Buy one, two, three plant pots.
Do whatever feels right.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk (creative spiral)
If anything resonated: pack your sketchbook. Wear the bikini. Save some money. Stop beating yourselves up. Life’s life. Keep going, keep doing, and def keep creating.
Because I still struggle to take my own advice, I should probably start printing them on tote bags to remind myself of them daily...
Wanna chat?
Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram for more art and creative talk, it would be great hear from you! :)
Want more creative inspiration?
For more tips and thoughts on creativity, check out these blogs:
7 ways to be more creative & happier
Thoughts on Creativity and happiness