You know how we all kinda lost our mind during the Covid Lockdowns day? Well, I was for sure no exception. The world was ending and apparently my biggest goal was to get a six pack.
I was living in Barcelona in 2020, in a fairly small flat in Gotico with 3 other young women. They were my flatmates and friends, later my fellow female inmates.
I had an office I would go to 5 days a week. From which I was told one day to take my laptop home with me, but then never, event, went back to.
I had holidays planned, concert tickets and plans with friends. A normal, busy life.
But that all hit pause around March 2020, when Barcelona went into lockdown, one of the strictest in the world.
We were pretty much under house arrest for months.
Police patrolled the streets, and god forbid they caught you sneaking to the supermarket with your flat mate.
The other day I found myself going through my journals from during that time, March, April, May, June 20202, and as I scanned the scribbly poems and thoughts, it brought back a shiver down my spine, as well as a certain feeling of, dare say it, nostalgia.
And I certainly don't intend to trivialise COVID or Lockdown, I know it was an absolutely awful for many, and definitely a time of uncertainty for all, but I have to admit I also have some endearing memories from it (perhaps a type of Stockholm syndrome?).
And, for those who were like me, who were privileged enough to not really suffer that bad during COVID, I can imagine you have played a little with the idea too, that another lockdown might be pretty.... useful. You know, to catch up on a series. To get some time away from the office. Get back into baking. Or simply to take a time out...
Before diving into my lockdown poems and diary pages, I must say two disclaimers.
1. My original diary jumped between English and Spanish. I have provided the original text and the best translations I can do into English, all with the aim to try to stay as true as I can to the original words.
2. In 2020 I was young, superficial, selfish, entitled, privileged and very bored. Please don't judge me too harshly.
Hopefully this blog will bring you some entertainment, and a walk down (a strange) memory lane.
Pages from the diary
15/03/2020
The day house confinement starts.
I'm here in Barcelona, and at least I am lucky about living with my flat mates, we all get along.
What a mad situation. It seems like a nightmare. An apocalytpic movie.
But I'm also thinking if I'm going to basically be under house arrest, how can I not go totally insane?
I need to set myself some goals.
-
Get a six pack - shred!! (do house work outs)
-
Keep a healthy diet
-
Paint + write
-
Use less social media
-
Cut down alcohol
-
Think where I want to go next! Really think about it.
Tomorrow I will:
- Wake up
- Clean
- Work out
- Find a pharmacy to get medicine
- Cook + plan food for next days (portion + ration control)
- Finish the parrots painting
- Organise my painting and who to send them too
- Call Granny ?
More positive thoughts:
- This is good practice for remote working in the future
- I am saving money
- This will help me realise what's valuable for me
- Can paint, write, read more
- Can just take it easy for a bit (lay low)
- Eat well, sleep well, do exercise, stay busy and stay positive.
15/03/2002
Spain has declared itself in Lockdown - State of Emergency - due to Corona Virus.
I wonder how long it will take until we go back to a normal-ish lifestyle. Two weeks? A month? Six weeks? Two months? More?
Right now all bars and restaurants are closed, and we are only allowed to leave the house to go to the supermarket or the pharmacy. But I didn't' see any pharmacies open today and some supermarkets' stock is already out.
Let's hope for the best. Soon it'll be a thing of the past. Until then I'll focus on my goals...
16/03/2020
Monday to Friday - Routine to follow
- 9:00 - 9:30 wake up, work out 30 mins
- 9:30 shower
- 9:45 start work
- 1:45 Take a lunch break (1h)
- 3:00 Back to work
- 6:30 finish work
- Go shop, walk if can, take a break
- Workout part 2 to relax 30 mins Tai Chi, Yoga
- Cook dinner
- Paint, write or read for at least 1 hour
So everyday I need to:
- at least 30 mins pure exercise
- at least a mental x body exercise (yoga, tai chi, meditation)
- at least 1 hour painting or something creative
- read everyday
23/3/2020
1.5 weeks in Lockdown.
Thank god there is enough hours in the day for you to feel shit, but then grand again, and it's a cycle that seems to be on repeat.
Luckily landing on grand over and over again.
02/04/2020
Now it's been 3 weeks in lockdown.
Without a doubt this has been the strangest thing that has ever happened to me.
But also kinda a good thing.
With sleepless nights I have thought, reflected, imagined, contemplated...myself, my surroundings, bigger topics.
And I think I know now what really makes me happy. By being deprived of those very things.
A list of things that make me happy (and I miss):
- Freedom of movement
- Nature
- Animals
A list of what I haven't missed:
- The office
- Partying
- Seeing most people
7/4/2020
Lockdown. Far, far away from any romances, and it makes me think, wonder, what really matters. There are some romances that pop into my mind here and there, and others who don't. Some that I wish I could see again. Who knows maybe there could be a love story, or not. Probably not.
Gotta stay busy! Or go crazy.
7/04/2020
Living in a weird time right now.
It's a bit like time has stopped.
Everything is on hold.
In a way it's what I've wanted. A chance to stop, take my time. Sleep, read, cook, paint, rest. Know I'm not missing out on anything. It's comforting to think this. Use it to your advantage.
Ahora Mismo, BCN 08/04/2020
Respirando aire,
pero no tan puro,
comiendo pastel,
pero no tan dulce,
tomando cerveza,
pero no tan fria.
Durmiendo,
pero no lo suficiente.
asi se siente la vida
ahora mismo.
Translation:
Breathing air,
but it's not so pure,
eating cake,
but it's not so sweet,
drinking beer,
but it's not so cold.
Sleeping,
but not enough.
That’s how life feels
right now.
08/04/2020
We have been able to use the rooftop on the top our flats- from here I'm currently writing. And I must say, being on a rooftop has never felt so liberating, so poetic.
It's a big rooftop, spacious, with nearly 360 views to the city.
I really miss the big world that's out there.
Sentada en la terraza sola, no hay sol, pero hay brisa, nubes. Pense que si venia aqui me iba a inspirar, y si, puede ser que si funciono. Me siento mas libre viendo las nubes. A Montjuic en la distancia.
Viendo Barcelona desde aqui me recuerda a Ecuador o Cuba. Me pone nostálgica, me gustaría ir allá de nuevo. A explorar, explorar y explorar.
Translation:
Sitting alone on the terrace, there is no sun, but there is a breeze, clouds. I thought that if I came here I would feel inspired, and yes, maybe it did work. I feel freer watching the clouds. Montjuïc in the distance.
Seeing Barcelona from here reminds me of Ecuador or Cuba. It makes me nostalgic; I would like to go there again. To explore, explore and explore.
10/04/2020
Today is Friday, Easter Friday. A bank holiday.
I am at home. Because of Lockdown. Where else could I be.
#StayHome and all of that.
But to tell you the truth, I'm feeling good.
If I can use the rooftop, I'm actually happy.
As I write this I'm lying in the sun on the rooftop and being here in the sun in Barcelona sounds like a pretty decent plan for Easter.
I'm currently drinking a fresh orange juice and coffee. Life isn't too bad I guess.
10/04/2020
En mi balcon en el sol,
los perros ladran,
la musica suena,
cierro los ojos,
y pregunto, digo,
quien sabe lo que va a pasar,
va a pasar.
El sol sale,
le suben a la musica,
cada balcón con su ritmo.
De verdad es un momento
precioso.
Translation:
On my balcony in the sun,
the dogs bark,
the music plays,
I close my eyes,
and I ask, I say,
who knows, what will happen,
will happen.
The sun comes out
they turn up the music,
each balcony with its own rhythm.
It truly is a beautiful moment.
10/04/2020
Que rico el sol en mi piel tan blanca,
tan lista para el calor.
Que rico el jugo de naranja tan fresco,
refrescante.
Y que rico el cafe fuerte en mis manos.
Y lo mas rico de todo,
es que he sonado contigo,
de nuevo.
Translation:
How lovely the sun on my pale skin,
so ready for the warmth.
How lovely the orange juice, so fresh,
so refreshing.
And how lovely the strong coffee in my hands.
And the loveliest thing of all
is that I have dreamed of you,
again.
29/04/2020
Breathe, be kind. Breathe, be kind. Breathe.
29/04/2020
Todo en esta vida tiene sabor.
Dulce, como leche condensada.
O amargo, como cafe sin azúcar.
Pero, todo tiene sabor, un sabor.
Y no es eso maravilloso?
Translation:
Everything in this life has a flavor.
Sweet, like condensed milk.
Or bitter, like coffee without sugar.
But everything has a flavor, a flavor.
And isn’t that wonderful?
01/05/2020
It's midnight and technically the first of May.
They're relaxing lockdown restrictions and I'm feeling very positive today. I'm happy even though many things are pretty messed up right now.
01/05/2020
Hay algo mas rico que un beso prohibido? Cuando sabes que en ese momento todo va a cambiar? Ya nada sera igual.
O, tal vez no va a signaifar nada. No lo se.
Un beso de verdad lo podría cambiar todo?
04/05/2020
Los labios de un italiano. Ni puros ni santos.
Pero, un error, eso seguro.
Translation:
The lips of an Italian. Neither pure nor saintly.
But a mistake, that's for sure.
09/05/2020
Tengo que seguir con mi vida, pero ahora mismo no siento que tenga una vida. Me estoy volviendo loca.
No hubiera hecho esto. No lo puedo aguantar.
La moraleja de la historia? Nunca meterse con el de al frente. Muy difícil de escapar.
Translation:
I have to keep going with my life, but right now I don’t feel like I have a life. I’m going crazy.
I wouldn’t have done this. I can’t stand it.
The moral of the story? Never get involved with the one opposite the road. Very hard to escape.
13/05/2020
Today, feeling good, feeling less anxious. Not too bothered by the neighbour. Mind more focused. Balanced. Positive. How I should be every day.
Sun is shining again and I'm taking a break from work on the rooftop. Listening to music. Chilling.
17/05/2020
I know what I have to do now. I just need to be me. And whatever happens, happens.
My life consists of working, having fun, doing some art, being productive, being toxic. I don't really change and things don't really change.
I wonder if they ever can, if I can.
19/05/2020
I worship the sun. It's timeless. Eternal. There.
21/05/2020
They have allowed us, our age group, to move around early in the morning and in the evening. And they have allowed us Gotico people to move around Barceloneta.
It's become a world of 20-30s. All running the same routes, again and again. Who knew there were so many runners amongst us.
So, today we woke up at 6am and swam in the sunrise at the beach in Barcelona. What an amazing way to start the day. A paradise sunrise. Pink skies with the orange-yellow sun beaming onto the clear Mediterranean Sea. Cold, fresh, awakening water.
I felt so alive.
21/05/2020
El tiempo pasa, siempre,
lo unico seguro.
Translation:
Time passes, always,
the only thing that is certain.
22/05/2020
Back on the balcony. This makes me laugh a little. My faithful balcony. Always here, always full of life, with new stories, songs, gossip, and drama.
The couple across the street broke up and I see the girl moving her boxes out. My upper neighbour speculates she cheated with the guy down the road.
My balcony provides me a safe space, a view of the world.
This is my ode to you my balcony.
I'm sorry if I never appreciated you enough before.
23/05/2020
Illegally sitting, having a coffee by the port. I am not allowed to not run or walk, and not wearing a mask. If the police arrive I will have to run off. With my coffee.
The sun is strong today, and the boats are still on the sparkling water, even though there is a little breeze.
1/6/2020
Today is the first day of June. I sit in the Ciutadella park. It is the first time I've been here in over 3 months.
Even thought its only 10 minutes away from my house.
There are flowers everywhere and I can smell them. It's very nice to sit here and write, it's very calming.
6 months into the year.
It's kind of going well personally but for the world not so much.
Poema de desamor, Barcelona 29/06/2020
El verano calienta
pero tu piel no me apetece
entonces de aqui que ahora.
Pero el cielo ez azul
y el sol esta aqui
pero solo por ahora
como yo!
Translation: An-out-of-love poem
Summer warms,
but I don’t long for your skin,
so now what.
But the sky is blue,
and the sun is here,
but only for now,
like me!
05/07/2020
Casi un mes sin escribir. Un mes con libertad. Ya no estamos en lockdown y Katie ha podido venir a visitarme esta semana.
He estado casi dos semanas de fiesta, ligando, tomando, having a great time.
And now I'm ready to mellow out a bit.
I like the saying, Don't be too quick to rush back to your excesses.
It's like I've lost what I learnt during lockdown.
But next week I will be healthier.
I am not keeping up with my good habits (so regularly).
12/07/2020
Now it's been three weeks of fun, so much fun. Possibly, probably, too much fun.
Spending time with Katie, going out, friends, ligues, it's been fantastic.
But, as I've said before, I need to chill. Work hard again. And keep going.
13/07/2020
The last page of silly 4 months worth of notes, of thoughts, of rants.
Trusty, reliable, always-listening notebook, thank you. For allowing me to express my darkest, saddest, weirdest, perverted thoughts. To be utterly over the top with no shame, thank you for not judging me and allowing me to fill your soft, crisp pages with my not-so-thoughtful words. Thank you.